The Worst Band of All Time - Honorable Mention (pt II)

Oh, you thought this was going to be like last time, didn't you? You thought I was going to start the Worst Band series with a single honorable mention and then move on to the top three, huh?
Yeah, sorry. Wayyy too many bands out there begging for an entry in this series. We will have a top three - oh, I assure you: we will have a top three - but there will be multiple honorable mentions before we get there.

Speaking of bands begging for an entry in the Worst Band series: let's get started. Let's talk Metallica.

Can you knock four grown men unconscious with a single punch?  I'm suddenly trying very hard to figure out a way.

This is one of those things that just blows your mind if you think about it for too long. If you had approached me twenty years ago and told me that one day I'd be sitting down to write about Metallica being one of the worst bands in the world, I'd have shat myself laughing at you. And we maybe would have fought, too.

Ninja's Note: I guarantee you when my wife sees this post, she's going to approach me and go something like this: "You railed METALLICA?" with oh-so-slight indignation in her voice.  Then she will get this thoughtful look on her face, as though she's remembering something she hasn't thought of in a long time.  Then?  She'll look back and me with a sad look on her face, nod her head, and go back to reading.

To this day, I'm a little (or a lot) unclear on exactly what happened.  For my benefit as well as anyone who might need a Metallica refresher, I'm going to try to construct an informal timeline.

Very early 1980s - the band is born.  They release an album shortly thereafter entitled Kill 'em All.  Extremely reflective of the band's NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal) influences, the album is intense and good. 

Next up - I think it's Ride the Lightning, yeah, that looks right.  Ride was and is a completely different beast when compared to Kill 'em All - the NWOBHM sound has started to evolve.  Songs are longer, meatier, and there's an emphasis on structural intricacy and melody.  In other words...the songwriting style that would come to define good Metallica began to take shape. 

Following Ride, we have what I consider to be Metallica's Dark Side of the Moon, and that is the masterful Master of Puppets.  Ye Gods, here there be thunder.  Can you remember what you were doing the first time you heard Master?  Me either, and here's why: probably two minutes into "Battery" (opening track), I quit fucking doing whatever bullshit I was doing and I sat down to listen. 

Master is one of those moments of divinity where all the right pieces are in all the right places to ensure perfection is achieved - and yet God Himself still insists on sticking His hand into things and cranking the Perfection Dial from 10 to 11.  This almost never happens; happened once for GnR, once for Avenged Sevenfold, and U2's Achtung Baby is pretty amazing.  But other than that?  Rare.

Gone completely are the nods to the NWOBHM; what you have in Master is a thing entirely new: a heavy metal record that can only be described as "progressive."  Songs are longer, much more intricate in structure, and the sounds are so much heavier.  It was a thing of beauty.

Next up is an album that - for me - I enjoy every bit as much as Master, but I recognize that in most measurable ways, Master is a superior piece of writing and musicianship: And Justice for All.  This album introduces a much drier sound, and the writing/structuring is borderline frantic: tempos are changed, parts are repeated much less as they might have been by a younger Metallica, and complicated time signatures are used.  I love it.

Then this happened:

Suddenly - overnight, it felt like - it was all over.  Gone were the lengthy songs, the intricate structures, the key changes and time signatures.  You expected they would take Justice to the next level....instead, this piece of shit album dropped and it was clear - Metallica had made a business decision.  They sat down and said: "Hey, we can either keep working our fingers to the bone to create the kind of complicated, elaborate music our fans love for pretty goddamn good money...OR...we can get away with doing a lot less work, and make a fuckload of money.  What do you think?  ...the catch?  Well...we'll have to start playing the kind of music we've ridiculed all our lives.  We'll have to become the very thing that our style of music and sound were a violent reaction to."

Not sure how the band felt, but if anyone wavered Hetfield punched the stuffing out of them and eventually it was unanimous: Metallica was going Top Forty.

It worked.  What can I say.  There are now more Metallica fans on earth than ever (though I'm proud to say I'm no longer one of them).  They're multi-millionaires with nothing better to do than get their panties twisted over Napster or film documentaries about how troubling life can be for those few of us who actually have all our wildest fantasies come true.  Bite my balls. 

Oh, and the Napster thing?  This is why I worry about the school system in Denmark: did Lars learn any critical thinking skills, like at all?  This is how my brain would have responded (assuming it even hit my radar, I'd probably have been too fuckin busy downloading fuckin music like a normal person):

"So there's this new file sharing thing out there now and people are downloading my songs for free.  Hmm...it's conceivable that I'm actually losing out on some money right now...hmm...

"Well, let's see: first, in this pre-DSL era, who's really going to waste the time to download my stuff?  ...probably people who are either loyal fans or people who aren't quite fans, yet, but they're interested in getting to know us better.  So...those are the people I risk alienating if I get all shitty about this.  Better tread lightly, those people are my bread, butter, and future!

"Am I really missing out?  Not really...everyone knows I only take home five or ten cents per CD sold, so...a hundred people could download an entire Metallica album and I'm only out five bucks.  That is assuming, of course, that not a single one of these people are simply downloading in an exploratory way and will buy the album if they like it.

"Now, is there a potential upside?  Hmm...well, you can download a CD for free but you still have to fork over the cash if you want to see a concert (which, everyone knows, is where the vast, vast majority of my fortune has come from [only because I haven't started selling my songs for TV commercials yet]).  So if I have any confidence at all in myself - which I of course do - I'll expect that many of these people who check out our album for free will end up buying concert tickets at some point.  That'll be great!  Shit, one extra concert ticket will be enough to reimburse me for hundreds of illegal downloads...MAN what a great idea!!  I do have a business side..."

Hands off my music, you whiny pussy Metallica fans!

This is how badly the band is doing today: fans actually had to get together and sign petitions a couple years back to get Metallica to fire their producer (Bob Rock).  Here's a hint, guys - once the artist needs to take direction from the audience when it comes to creative matters?  Guess what: at that point, the artist has stopped being an artist, and it's time to take yourself out of the game.


I hate you, Metallica.  I can't even write anymore I hate you so bad.  You went from having so much integrity people (me included) thought you were heroes.

The Android Communuty Is Saved by Droid Hayabusa

You know what's a good time? Browsing the Android forums. The uninitiated often hear great things about the "Android Community," then they join and find out the truth for themselves.  This is what you get:

1. Forum moderators. These are the same the world over, from Android forums to porn forums (or so I can only imagine). Basically OK, but they can feel like the Fun Police at times.  Sometimes downright evil - like when we figured out that it was possible to strongarm Verizon into giving you unlimited data even after they "ended" unlimited data (hint: still possible) and they killed the thread, citing "fraud."  You fuckin kidding me?  You know that to run a smartphone with conservative usage on Verizon's network it costs like $90 a month minimum, right?  And we're the ones being fraudulent?  Riiiight...thanks for the unnecessary censorship, Darren Dipshit. 

Usually, however, these guys are pretty benign.

2. Developers. These guys are, for the most part, OK. They could probably communicate a little more openly, respond a little more consistently, and maybe use a lesson or two in expressing your point through the written word, but hey - they're developers.  Expecting amazing social skills from those gifted in the ways of computer code is a recipe for disappointment, surely we all know this by now.

These are the guys who bring you your custom ROMs, your custom themes, your hacks, your apps, and basically everything that makes your phone suck a little less than it did when Verizon finally permitted you to hand them $300 and two years out of your life in exchange for it.  So cut them some slack...they're alright.

3. Excited newbies. This is where a lot of the facade that is the layman's perception of the "Android Community" starts to wear exceptionally thin: the newbies.  These are the people who hop into the forum for the first time and end up stepping in shit because the Android Nazis say they stepped in shit.  99 times out of 100 has to do with a violation of some forum rule that no one knows or cares about (except the Android Nazi).  These are the people who register, make their first post, probably expecting a friendly greeting, and end up getting their asses handed to them.

Owning a smartphone isn't a symptom of a person who has a great deal of time on his or her hands - quite the opposite.  Smartphones didn't evolve based on demand from the lazy and bored.  So - hear me out - do we really expect a smartphone owner to spend a lot of time perusing a forum for no reason other than to get acquainted with the etiquette of the environment?  No, we do not.  We expect your average smartphone owner to visit a forum when he or she has a reason to: namely, when he or she has a question they need answered.

Further, do we expect a smartphone owner - a type of person that we've already established doesn't have a lot of time on his or her hands - to arrive at the forum and ask their question?  Or do we expect them to spend eight hours perusing the entire poorly-organized message board, making sure they're not posting a duplicate question, or starting a duplicate thread, or creating some other breach of imagined etiquette?

Seriously, I've seen some people talked to so poorly that I can only imagine that they immediately logged off, deleted their forum account, took their android device right back to the store and exchanged it for an iPhone.

4. Panicking newbies. THIS is where shit gets good.  These are the guys who show up and - right out the gate - it's instant entertainment.  This goes far beyond the excited newbie...while the excited newbie simply had a question, this newbie decided to take matters into his or her own hands and ended up fucking up in a major way.  You can recognize them thanks to some commonalities they share: one, they will have posted less than five times total in the whole forum.  Two, they will describe a problem with a phone, not necessarily theirs.  "Anyone know what to do with a Droid Bionic that just exploded in my crotch?"  ...that kind of thing.  Finally: eventually their will be some mention of panic or a physical symptom you associate with panic.  "Sorry for the typos, all...my hands are sweaty." "I feel like I'm going to throw up." That kind of shit.
These poor bastards are in a pickle: by trying to solve their own problem, they've typically voided their warranty.  So if they can't fix their phone on their own?  They're fucked and they need a new one!  Hence the panic.  Usually these guys don't get the same blistering response from the crowd as the excited newbie does, even if the panicked newbie manages to create a rift in the expected etiquette (spoiler alert: they always do).  My theory is that - admit it or no - we've all done idiotic shit with our phones, and although I like to think the crowd shows mercy because the crowd is sympathetic, chances are it's due to simply being afraid someone will, one day, call them hypocrites.

5. These fuckin weirdos who seem to know a lot about the Android platform but never contribute anything other than snarky comments.  Example:

Newbie: "Hey, all, at the risk of sounding like an idiot," (note how even the newbies have learned to front-load their questions with self-deprecation in order to lessen the wrath of the fuckin Android Weirdos who have nothing better to do than lash out at innocent questions) "...I'm trying to figure out _____ ___ ________.  Any thoughts?"

Weirdo: "Can't you fuckin read, you IDIOT?  Post 912, maybe wipe the shit out of your eyes next time."

or

Newbie: "Hi, ummm...sorry if this has been asked before, but...I tried to install this ROM and my phone caught fire.  What did I do wrong?"

Weirdo: "READ THE ORIGINAL POST, then fucking go kill yourself."

Fucking weirdos.  The Android forums are crawling with them.  These are the guys who are the exception to the rule: these guys ARE the lazy and bored smartphone owner.  These assholes have logged in thousands, sometimes tens of thousands of posts.  You fucking kidding me, you pathetic piece of shit?  Some poor bastard creates an account at your forum to find out why his phone is taking half a day to charge and, rather than just answering his fuckin question - like you've done tens of thousands of times before based on your number of posts - you bite his head off because someone else started a thread eighteen months ago with the same basic question and how-dare-he clutter up your precious forum with a duplicate thread?  What, like he should have checked the whole forum since time immemorial just to make sure no one else had ever asked the same question?  Do you know how long that would take (hint: he'd be able to charge his phone several times).  Go fuck yourself, you're not fooling anybody.

So here's how I'm going to save the Android Community - all your questions (the ones that matter anyway) are going to be answered right here, by yours truly (that's a pretentious way of saying "ME").  You can forever leave the forums to these chodes to fight and bicker amongst themselves.

1. "Is Tasker (app) as good as everyone says it is?"  Yes, but it sucks to figure out.  Next...

2. "What's the most underrated feature of the Android phone?"  The ability to make Nandroid backups and restore them with ease.  Research this.  Next...

3. "My battery life SUX, what should I do?"  Accept the fact that you are going to be dealing with a phone charger at least once a day.  You can try Juice Defender, but I always had trouble with it killing my data signal to conserve battery and being unable to reconnect.  I did rig Tasker to do the same thing and that works just fine (FOR ME).  The one negative you'll ever hear me say about Roman's AOKP ROM (aside from the fact that Roman may very well listen to Grouplove and like it) is that his power saver feature worked about as well as Juice Defender did - the data gets killed just fine, but resurrecting it is a NIGHTMARE.  Next...

4. "When people spell 'sucks' as 'SUX,' it makes me homicidal."  Me too.  Next!

5. "Do I really need to keep my GPS turned off in order to save battery?" This is one of my favorite Android myths of all time.  Absolutely NOT.  Yes, GPS is a battery killer, and yes, if you are actually using an app which uses your GPS?  Then your battery will suffer.  The GPS "switch" on an Android phone simply permits apps that require your GPS access to it.  That's it.  Seriously - not to sound snarky, like one of our Android Weirdos - but the platform wouldn't have gotten very far if it was built by folks who decided that it needed a toggle to activate and burn GPS for no fuckin reason.

Here's an experiment - toggle your GPS to OFF.  Then go drive around until you are good and lost in a really bad part of town.  Now pick up your phone and act like you're talking on it, but drive real slow - like a lost person trying to figure out where he is so he can get directions.  Once the locals discover your car and start approaching...tap your navigation widget and tell it to direct you home.

...fucking annoying, isn't it??  Adds like eight more steps.  Sorry if you got carjacked but some lessons are invaluable.  Just leave your GPS on.  You'll be FINE.  Next...

6. "I read the entire forum, start to finish.  No one warned me that my phone won't charge in certain states.  Thus, my phone died in the middle of flashing something.  Now my phone is completely bricked and I can't get it to charge at all."

This is one of the very few posts I've actually written myself and posted in the idiotic halls of Android Society.

Originally posted by DroidHayabusa:

At risk of sounding like a crazy person, here is what I suggest - we all have learned there are certain bricked/soft bricked stages where a battery cannot charge. So if you plan to continue messing with ROMs and themes....

1. Get a standalone battery charger for your current (and all future) phone model. Expensive? You bet, but it makes up for it by being inconvenient AND wasteful.

2. Create an All-Purpose Holy-Shit-What-Did-I-Just-Do BATTERY (not phone) charger. Here's how, and you're welcome:
A. Find a used phone charger that you don't mind mangling a little. If your office recycles old cellular devices, this is a great place to start.
B. Check the OUTPUT (stamped on the plug somewhere) on the new charger; compare it to your existing charger. FYI, I like to see everything match, but have had success with voltage being off by 0.1 (mAs have always matched at 850 for me).
C. Cut the micro USB end (or whatever end fits into the phone) off, strip out the exterior insulation and locate the small black and red wires inside. Strip about a half inch of the insulation off each of these wires as well.

DANGER: Ladies, you may want to make sure you have a change of panties closeby; you're about to see my hand for the first time.

"So let's get a party goin/let's get a party goin/Now it's time to party and we'll party hard (party hard)..."

D. Remove the dead battery from your brick and lay the battery flat somewhere hopefully away from puddles, gas cans, gunpowder, etc. At this point you want your new MacGyver charger to be UNPLUGGED from the wall. Hook the red wire to the + terminal of your battery and the black to the - terminal.
E. Plug your charger in. Obviously unplug it immediately if something goes awry, i.e. a fire starts on your arm.
F. Let your battery soak up the juice for several hours. Obviously all basic electrical safety rules apply...if you don't know the basic rules of electrical safety, my super-attorneys and I insist that you go with option 1 above.
G. If you've done it correctly, when you stick the battery back in your phone you should be able to proceed. So there you go - two more options for when this happens next time. A safe, expensive option, and a cheap, kinda dangerous option.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using DroidForums

7. "What's the best ROM if I'm going to move away from stock?" Eclipse, by Nitro.  I would get naked with that dude if I could.  Unfortunately, the number of devices on which you can run Eclipse is somewhat limited, so...next up I'd refer you to Roman's AOKP (Android Open Kang Project).  Available on many more devices than Eclipse, and very good as well.  Just keep in mind that if you donate to Roman, he may turn around and spend your donation on Grouplove music.  You might be indirectly supporting Grouplove. 

8. "What's the worst thing about any negative situation?" Not knowing when it's going to end.  Think about it next time you're stuck in traffic on the freeway.

9. "What's worse than that?" Other people.

10. "You've answered all my questions, thanks.  Last one - what's the best app for Android?" Any app that does what it says it will do is AOK by me.

____

You're welcome, Android Community.

Bane Rises!

"When Goffam is...ashes...then you have my permission to die."

Seriously, I apologize.  I couldn't help it.  Sorry for the let-down.  Weasel is basically a good cat, too, so...sorry for making you wear the lid to one of Mommy's vitamins, Weez.  Go eat some cat food and maybe take a great big giant dump and spend ten minutes piling every grain of cat litter in the whole fuckin litterbox into a pyramid on top it.  You earned it.

Seriously - sorry for the self-indulgence.

D.H.

The Worst Band of All Time - Honorable Mention (pt I)

Ever wondered how bad you have to suck in order to cost me an entire afternoon's worth of writing time?  Now you know.

When someone lies to you, you simply make a mental note. Unless its a matter of life and death - and in the age of cell phones, car alarms, and mandatory bike helmets, how often is ANYTHING really a matter of life and death - you don't need to do anything other than making an entry in your mental diary that says "so-&-so is a dirty fuckin liar." Here's what you don't do: you don't write a song about how deeply it screwed you up emotionally. Not unless you want to be inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Vaginas.

Similarly, when someone violates your trust, you quit fuckin trusting them. That's it. Do you make a big deal about it? FUCK NO, not if preservation of your own dignity is of the remotest importance to you. And how important should preservation of one's dignity be? Well, far be it from me to testify on another humanoid's condition - let alone a future condition - but I'll say this: looking back over the course of my sword-wielding life, I am met with many memories that involve difficulty, increasing differences, and the ultimate decision (usually not mine) to put an end to the friendship/relationship. At the time, these events seemed earth-shattering to me ("I can't believe you're breaking up with me because I fucked your sister!"); however, many years have passed, and you know something? The one thing that matters to me in the slightest anymore in all these situations is how I handled myself; and in case you're wondering, YES, reacting (just in general - reacting) is one of those less is more scenarios if you want to not look back in utter embarassment.

Now, what if someone offends/hurts your feelings? What then? Do you deal with it privately, or do you make a huge fuss about it? About how you were FINE until so-&-so came along and now - through no fault of your own - you're a VICTIM.

What do you think I'm going to say? Do you think I'm going to support an artist who rehashes the ol' "I gave you my trust but you violated it and now my feelings are all messed up" theme every goddamned time they put pen to paper to craft a song? Or do you think I'm going to say:

Linkin Park: you are the biggest gang of pussies in the entertainment industry.

Seriously.  They can hide behind elements cut from a rougher cloth - heavy guitars, hip hop elements, screaming, etc. - but at the end of the day, Linkin Park is just a handful of pretty-boy posers whining about feelings and how unfair life is. BLOW ME.

I have a theory about these guys, and it is this: Linkin Park is a boy band that refuses to admit it.

Actually, let's go a step further: I have much more respect for your average boy band than I do for Linkin Park. Wanna know why?


1. Linkin Park promotes Victim Culture. Your boy bands of the past few decades? Sure, they may have produced the occasional whine-fest, but at least there were plenty of other themes incorporated in their other songs.  Linkin Park?  Let me ask you something.  You know how at work you have that one woman?  The one who's constantly snivelling about her medical problems, or divorce problems, or whatever?  The one who's constantly hissing?  (You may work in a place where there's more than one woman like this...if so, for the sake of this example, just pick the worst one.  Oh, and if you work for the government odds are good that every woman in your office is like this, so...you should find a new job before you kill them all and then yourself.)

Back to my point - let me ask you something.  You know that one woman at work, constantly whining about what the universe is doing to her?  Or bitching about what her husband (ha ha right) or family are doing to her?  Or complaining about how her supervisor just walks all over her?  This is someone who is addicted to being a victim.  This person has grown so fond of other people's sympathy that now she willingly exchanges parts of herself in order to get her daily fix.  Way too personal medical information?  She gladly hands it over in exchange for your pity.  Information about her family that her family would strangle her for sharing with strangers?  Small price to pay for a slightly sad nod of the head by the listener, particularly when it's followed with a "Jeeez, Dawn...I'm so sorry."

Listen very close right now: Linkin Park's music is the sound of the inner workings of this woman's mind as performed by heavy guitars.

Do you really want any part of that?  I'm not going to say BE A MAN, because - I'm betting, if you ran the numbers - 90% of Linkin Park's fan base are the same chicks who found themselves at twelve years old wondering where the fuck Backstreet Boys went.  But I'll say this - don't trade your problems for pity.  And you're not helping anybody if you go along with someone else's pity party, either.

2. Linkin Park is not particularly good at...anything. While boy bands employed dramatic dance moves, complex harmonies, and backup vocals, our buddies from Linkin Park employ Jack and Shit ("...and Jack left town," ...sorry, Ash, couldn't help myself). You know how Cartman claimed that every boy band had at least one member who was the tough one?  The only difference between Linkin Park and a boy band with guitars is that Linkin Park never agreed on which one was going to be the tough one.  I feel like the only reason Linkin Park even learned instruments is so they would have an excuse to not have to dance, you know?  At least N Sync had Timberlake on vocals.  Not only that...there was always a freshness to them.  You never knew what they were going to do next.  Linkin Park?  I bet their next single is about this one time where someone did something and now the whiny pussy singer's feelings are hurt.  Maybe hip-hop boy will throw his two cents in too.  I sure hope so.  He sounds like Will Smith, the greatest rapper alive.  You know what I'm saying???

Ninja's Note: during that last paragraph, I couldn't help but take note of the fact that I sound extremely pro-boy band.  Like maybe I am - or at some time have been - a fan of, say, N Sync or Justin Timberlake, maybe.  I assure you that this is not the case.  Ask my sister.

3. Linkin Park can't even keep up with Boy Band Rule Numero Uno - Always Look Good. Here's a secret - you want to know what drives a guy to grow a beard?  Sure, in some cases they just look cool - Manson had a cool beard for a while, the Unabomber...who else...oh, back when Pink Floyd went through their beard phase that looked pretty good.  But aside from that, you know what prompts the beard?  BEING FAT.  That's right.  The first stage of Man Fat is a slight swelling in your lower back that neither you nor anyone else will really notice.  The second - the belly and sides.  People may start to notice here, so...now's a good time to switch to baggier clothing, if you're for some reason incapable of losing weight.

Baggy T-shirt + facial hair = one fat mother fucker

Next up?  That's right - the face and neck.  This one's the killer, this is the one people notice first.  So the quick way around it - since the bulk of the problem (ha ha, pun) lies on the cheeks and neck - is to simply stop shaving and allow your stubble/beard to cover it.  You're not fooling anyone, Linkin Park - maybe a little more jogging and a little less Carl's Jr., you worthless shit bags.  Seriously, I don't care if people gain weight, but that all changes if their self-selected profession requires them to look good.  It's the same way I frown on a bank teller who shows up in sandals and a muscle shirt.

4. Linkin Park can't handle their drugs...so now they want to make sure you can't get any either.  Oh, for God's sake.  You want to know what the true litmus test for Absolute Vaginatude is?  Give a motherfucker as many drugs as he wants for a few years and see what happens.  If he has some fun and decides to keep on having some fun for the remainder of his life...awesome.  Good for him.  If he dies...also awesome; he was either dumb or unlucky, but either way...this overpopulated shit-herd just got a little thinner.  Maybe he'll do a little bit of drugs, here and there, and decide it's not for him.

Or!  Or maybe, just maybe, he'll end up doing a little bit of life-ruining because of the drugs; maybe he'll do a lot of life-ruining.  This is good and interesting, this is one of those lesser-known scenarios where you get a true glimpse of what a person is made of.  We were lucky enough to arrive at that exact scenario with Linkin Park's Chester...Bennington, I think.  This guy:

Yeah, that's him.  OK, so, here's the scenario: Chester gets all whacked out on blow and meth (yuck!) and comes to the conclusion that he's ruined his life.  You get this all the time with a certain percentage of drug users (though it's a much smaller percentage than those who are able to just use for fun, i.e. recreationally, and not develop a massive vein-collapsing, savings account-vaporizing problem).

Now, assuming the person ends up getting clean...this is what you'll see.  One of these two options.

Option A - the person gets clean, keeps it private, and goes on with his newly-discovered life.

or

Option B - the person gets clean, makes a big huge hairy deal about it including denouncing drugs, denouncing drug users, campaigning against drugs, etc.  In other words: trying to keep drugs out of the hands of others.

In case you haven't figured it out - maybe you can't read, or maybe you're a little kid - Option A is the acceptable, honorable option.  Option B is where you reveal your entire character to the world - and that character is a complete and utter coward.  Option B is what Chester picked.

I'm going to get a little personal and a lot political here - one could say that I've done my fair share of drugs.  One could go a little farther and say that YES, I, Droid Hayabusa, do offer you my personal Ninja Guarantee that I've done more drugs than every single member of this pussy band combined.  Further still, one could truthfully say that I wrecked my life a few times thanks to certain drugs.

Here's the thing, though - the thing that pussies like Chester here and the other proponents of mass discipline are too dense to see - mistakes I've made in my past and the subsequent lessons I've learned are what shaped me into who I am today.  People need to be able to make these mistakes or they won't be able to learn the same lessons that I've learned.  I want drugs to be around when my nephews go through high school.  Sounds fucked up a little, maybe, but I believe in my nephews to ultimately do the right thing.  You should believe in yours, too.

Looking at the same side of the coin a little differently - Chester, you're a fucking multi-millionaire in one of the most successful bands in the world.  Did you ever think that the lessons you learned from making mistakes with drugs gave you the mettle, or the fortitude, to get where you are today?  To be able to maintain in spite of what you have to deal with, day in and day out?  Yet you "denounce" drugs. 

I don't denounce drugs.  I don't do them any more, but I'm a firm advocate for them and I always will be.  I am PRO-DRUG.  They are part of our lives, and they're as American as apple pie.

BTW - Linkin Park, you're supposed to be rock stars.  Has anyone ever heard of Linkin Park doing anything remotely rock star-ish, like burning up a hotel room?  Actually...come to think of it...the last person I remember hearing about setting fire to a hotel room was...one of the New Kids on the Block.  WTF, am I listening to the wrong kind of music?

___

That's it.  I can't talk about this shit anymore.  FUCK YOU, Linkin Park.  I hope N Sync beats the shit out of you all one day.