"Fuck me...more guys to kill?"
As some of my regular readers are probably aware, Team Ninja's Ninja Gaiden 3 arrived in stores one week ago today. The critical response, for the most part, was less-than-stellar (Joystiq 2.5 out of 5, Gamespot 5.5 out of 10, and IGN with an unheard-of 3 out of 10). But, then again...isn't that one area where critics excel, particularly when the critiqued material represents genius beyond their depth? They pan what they do not understand.
For example: since the 2004 Ninja Gaiden on Xbox, critics have blasted the Gaiden camera. To my mind, the camera in these games is revolutionary - you have an r-stick to control the swing of the camera, and you have a bumper or trigger button that acts as a camera reset, immediately resetting the camera behind Ryu. I have never played an action title with a camera as well-developed as the Ninja Gaiden series.
Is that what we have here, then? Genius ahead of its time being derailed by the critics?
...no. Not at all.
I am going to try and sum up what's wrong with this game. I don't believe I need to cover what's right about it, since a) there is so little that is truly "right" with the game, and b) the bits that are right are, let's face it, only right because they're leftovers from a time when Ninja Gaiden actually meant something special.
However. I will do my best to be fair, and I will do my best to only cover those things that haven't been beaten to death already by the critics.
So what's up, Ninja Gaiden 3?
1. This game is more in the vein of Ninja Blade than Ninja Gaiden. I'm not sure what happened here, but if anyone's ever checked out the exceptionally pointless title that was Ninja Blade, you probably know what I'm talking about. Weird sci-fi crap, weird bugs, most of the areas are poorly lit...and everything seems dirty and cheap. I lost count of the times that I had to rely on my "ninja sense" to know where to go...only because the whole screen was black.
It's almost as though Team Ninja had only a fraction of the budgetary resources for this game than they've had for their past titles. Or maybe Hayashi confiscated all the funds and used them to buy more hip glasses.
2. We don't need to see Ryu's face. Ever. Part of what makes Hayabusa such a great character is that he's bound by his duty. He can't show his face, regardless of whether or not he wants to. It made him heroic. Now you have him showing his face left and right. Great thinking.
When I first heard about this, it made me think of the obvious reason why Sam Raimi always had Spider Man end up maskless/partially maskless by the end of every film: he wanted his main character to be able to convey expression to the audience via his number one non-verbal toolbox: his FACE. I thought to myself: well, Hayashi, I certainly hope you know what you're doing.
(Spoiler alert: he didn't. Unmasked Ryu's face never changed expression once, unless you count his lips moving during conversation.)
3. I don't understand how the voice acting came off so poor and so goddamned grating. When I played Arkham City, for the first few hours I was thrilled with how you could stalk through the town and listen in on thug conversations and monologues. It was so fresh and engaging; it really pulled you in and forced you to be present within the confines of the game and city they'd structured. Sure...by the end of the game you're over it, as even a seemingly-endless supply of enemy dialogue does have limits and you'll end up hearing repeat conversations (not to mention one of the actors began to sound wayyy too much like Chris Moltess...uhh...Michael Imperioli's character from Sopranos).
In this piece of shit? You get like one voice per enemy class. One voice, and he repeats just a couple lines over and over. YOU WILL GO APESHIT. Here are a few:
"Where is Mantis Team???"
"We need backup!!"
"Killing is my business!"
"Die, dragon ninja!!"
"Time for the main course!!"
Play chapter 5 and tell me you're not ready to find the Mantis Team yourself so you can drop an elbow on their nuts. Seriously, it's so bad that during the Dubai chapter I thought the Regent of the Mask was either following/stalking along side me or maybe was communicating with me telepathically. Nope! Just shitty voice acting.
4. The combat is fucked. If you played Ninja Gaiden 1 and/or 2 and liked it but ultimately decided you wanted a game that was slower, stiffer, with 88% fewer melee weapon choices, 50% fewer projectile weapon choices, 75% fewer ninpo choices, 75% fewer Ultimate Technique choices, and enemy AI bordering on the retarded? We got your winner right here: Ninja Gaiden 3.
Another fun bonus: longtime series staple moves have been altered (such as counterattacks, which are now so hit & miss that I didn't even realize you could do them until halfway through my second playthrough) or outright eliminated (no one liked the Guillotine Throw, right??), and any sort of hardcore or technical appeal has been completely removed. Here's a way to test it out: in Gaiden 2, do a wind run towards the closest enemy, then wind path off his head. In midair, toss shurikens and immediately after releasing the final shuriken, do a flying swallow at another nearby enemy.
OK, now try to do that exact same sequence in NG3. Lemme know how that works out for you.
5. The story is fucked. I can always appreciate someone wanting to take the time to tell a good story, or to take a good story and make it great. When Team Ninja announced this new approach to Gaiden, I was actually enthused about it: past Gaiden games have been so good in spite of minimal/slightly comical storylines that I was more than willing to give Hayashi a chance here. It seemed as though he'd really done a decent analysis on the series and wanted to improve the main area that could use improvement: story.
Additionally, he wanted to incite a more emotional response from the player by bringing us into Hayabusa's world and making him more human. Not necessarily the kiss of death, right?
Not in the hands of anyone other than Hayashi, it appears. If there's a compelling storyline here, it's lost on me. Every time you think you understand what's motivating New Ryu, you get a curveball: "Ahh, so Ryu murders even those enemies attempting to surrender. OK, fine. ...so now that I'm later in the game and facing a woman who betrayed me by tranquilizing me and turning me over to my enemies...I mean I'm going to straight chop her boobs off, right? ...oh, well I guess she was doing it to protect a child, so...she's off the hook, I suppose. Now we're friends, it's like everyone's hugging."
Also - if any of you aspiring game developers are looking to show your audience what it truly feels like to commit a murder, well, a) you're kind of a fuckin sicko, and b) how about you put some fuckin thought into it? Seriously - I don't want to get into how badly Hayashi failed here because I'm getting tired of typing, so I'll just point up to number three above and ask you this: how the green goddamn am I supposed to feel anything for a video game character that I just dispatched when thirty seconds later I'm fighting another one who looks just like him, acts just like him, and says the SAME FUCKIN SHIT in the SAME FUCKIN VOICE over and over?
___
That's all I've got, folks. Team Ninja has failed us. I'm not going to get into the constant interruptions, or the constant slo-mo bits, or the retarded kunai climbing, or the idiotic boss battles that were supposed to remove the "fantastical" element from past games and end up being every bit as outlandish.
Personally, I don't believe that IGN's 3/10 score is warranted; I have a feeling that the reviewer is probably pro-Itagaki and had it in his mind that the game would fail since the day Itagaki quit. Yes, I'm pro-Itagaki, but more than that - I'm pro-Gaiden, so I tried to remain as open as possible for as long as possible. Shut up.
That said - I also believe a score of 5/10 is as high as a person could go in good conscience. Since it's Ryu we're dealing with here, that's what I'm going to do.
Five out of ten. Game over.
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