If you plan on carrying Chap Stick in your front pocket, use a full-length mirror to examine yourself before you leave the house. Chapped lips really aren't so bad compared to the entire world thinking you have the tiniest boner in history.
Friday, November 8, 2013
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Delete Search History?
Funny to think about what we will or won't do in terms of Internet searches due to not wanting to have to answer for it later on down the road.
Example: I have no problem researching exactly how those marathon bombers turned a $50 pressure cooker into a bomb that made them world-famous. Or how to make napalm out of household objects. Or what to expect in terms of increased monitoring in the event you make a drunken blog post about recreating the Reagan shooting from the 80s to impress Lzzy Hale (oops, probably shouldn't have done that).
But looking up the whys and hows behind Mac ("It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia") getting so fucking fat so quickly? Just can't do it. No way I want to explain that line of thought.
Seriously, though...it's like one season he was lean, next season slightly swollen, and the very next season? Boom, fat as fuck. I dunno man.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Time (for) Change
Dear U.S. Government,
The fact that - in the Year of Our Lord 2013 - you can still cause an entire nation to jolt our lives every six months by changing our clocks for no valid reason is all the proof you need: we are fat, lazy, and willing to accept whatever you decide to do to us.
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