Easier difficulty. Yawn. Kind of expected this from Hayashi, the idiot who's proven that he has no idea how to construct a genuinely difficult set of circumstances in a game. Pussy.
No de-limbing. Well, that's pretty stupid. For those who don't know, the first NG game introduced decapitations (herein referred to as "decaps," because thanks to NG games, I use the term "decapitation" so often that I find an abbreviated version saves time). Then, in addition to the decaps, NG2 added the ability to lop off opponent limbs, aka "delimbing." I have yet to meet (or even hear a distant rumor of) a single soul who didn't love this new element to the game; once the enemy loses a limb, his AI would change: knowing he was crippled, he would attempt to Kamikaze your character by creeping up on you, grabbing you, and either stabbing you repeatedly or blowing you to smithereens in these incredibly high-damage attacks. It was a beautiful example of risk:reward in action; you can delimb an aggressive enemy, which a) completely slows him down and b) gives you the ability to kill him instantly with a one-button Obliteration Technique...but if you screw up, he's gonna fuck you up. I miss you, Tomonobu Itagaki. How will Team Ninja replace this element with something that doesn't feel like a step backwards? My guess? THEY WON'T. Read on...
Up until this point, I'm willing to let it go. But I learned of one more thing today (btw, if it matters, this all comes from some Xbox magazine...they reviewed the game and scored it 8/10), and that is this:
No weapon upgrades.....because there's only one fuckin weapon in the game.
Holy shit, right? What a step backwards. Weren't there like six weapons in the first NG game (depending on which version you were playing), and like eight in NG2?? I can't even remember the last time I played a game where you were limited to one melee weapon. Don't get me wrong...the Dragon Sword is my favorite weapon. But the simple fact of the matter is: wouldn't you rather have the choice?
Hayashi, I have a grave concern that you might be a massive fuck-up about to derail the greatest video game train ever created, and I'm kicking myself under the table right now for even being willing to give your shitty game a chance. This is an actual e-mail exchange from less than 24 hours ago:
-----Original Message-----
From: Droid Hayabusa
Sent: Wed 3/6/2012 4:40 PM
To:
Subject: RE: Pumpage Ignite!
I hear ya. Try not to think about Itagaki, or the fact that he took all his favorite (which probably translates to "the good") people from Team Ninja with him. Dude no matter what, I will be there, 10:00am on the opening day, cash in hand, begging them to make me $60 poorer.
_____________________________________________
From:
Sent: Tuesday, March 06, 2012 4:08 PM
To: Droid Hayabusa
Subject: Pumpage Ignite!
I just got a flash of excitement at the thought of playing a brand new Ninja Gaiden game. I will forget all of my reservations, and focus on the fact that I will be controlling Ryu once again, slicing fools with the dragon sword. Considering there are hardly any action games like it, I'm gonna try real hard to enjoy and appreciate it, even if Lord P***y is in the director's chair. LOL
See that? I ignore a chance to rail Hayashi and end up learning that he's raped the series even harder than I imagined capable. I hate that guy.
Instead of dwelling on how much Hayashi sucks, however, I have arranged a small tribute to the man who made Ninja Gaiden what it was and all that it could be: Tomonobu Itagaki. Why do I love thee so, Itagaki-san? Let me count the ways:
How'd This Dude Get to be So Fuckin Slick?
1. Sword in Office - That's right, in a world where I can't even keep a pocketknife on me at work, this guy has a sword in his office that his Dad gave him. He was known for pulling it out (the sword) and showing it to visitors. Most people would be like "Hm...maybe I won't bring my sword to work...don't want to intimidate people or give the wrong impression." Not this guy.
2. Constant Use of Sunglasses - From what I have read, this guy is a bit of a gambling junkie. He learned the sunglasses were a good way to conceal potential tells while gambling and decided to apply the concept to real-life.
People don't truly grasp the number of levels on which this is badass; yes, it's cool to wear sunglasses at any given time, and yes, it's cool to apply gambling concepts to your work and social life, but...few people grasp how bad ass a person has to be to be a successful gambler. Few people understand the discipline involved, the levels of self-control a person has to attain in order to not lose his or her shirt, the skill and strategy that goes into it. I certainly would get killed at it (or maybe I just want you sorry fuckin suckers to think I would). I would challenge anyone to try and sit through ten consecutive losses while completely keeping your cool and not once over-raising or over-betting out of revenge. Statistically speaking, 90% of you would fuck it up.
3. Sexual Harassment Allegations - These have all, from what I understand, been denied, but let's face it - anyone who's actually good at sexual harassment has learned a long time ago that DENY, DENY, DENY is your Day One lesson. In other words...he did it. Come on. In the words of Arnold Schwarzenegger (this was when he was responding to harassment allegations while running for governor, long before he got busted for banging his N.A. sponsor...or whatever that lady was) - "Where there's smoke...there's fire."
I don't have a problem with harassment. Sometimes patting a female's bottom lets her know that you think of her as a complete equal.
4. Smoking Cigarettes - You know what's been flipped around completely backwards in society? Tattoos and cigarettes. It used to be that if you had a tattoo, you were bad ass; almost as if a person had to fight five guys just to get into the tattoo artist's chair. Meanwhile, everyone smoked, even complete pussies like Don Draper's wife.
Now? I see people in full sleeve tattoos driving Priuses (Priii?) and asking the Maitre' D if there's a vegan menu, for God's sake. Meanwhile, the nearly-extinct smokers only get little tattoos in their free time...which isn't much, considering how many hours you have to work to sustain a smoking habit.
This seems backwards to me. I don't know. Anyways...yeah, it makes perfect sense to me that Itagaki smokes. Why? Because pussies don't smoke anymore.
5. "Wahhh, Itagaki Was Mean to Me!" - Yeah, probably the most frequent complaint against the guy was, and I'm paraphrasing here, that he's a complete dick. But so what? You know who gets the most shit done at the end of the day? Complete dicks. You know who delivers the goods, day in & day out? A total asshole. You show me someone who's liked by all his coworkers and I'll show you someone who never gets anything done and instead spends the day chatting & bullshitting. Hey, you know who's not a complete dick?
...this recent lunch-money-robbery victim.
We're fucked. I hope Ryu kills himself at the end of the game so at least his legacy won't be further violated by this pussy.
FUCK.
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